I made up my mind that my kids needed to do something to contribute to our household. I like the idea that at each birthday you sit your kid down and discuss what is going to be different this year. First are the new freedoms that year 8 (or whatever year) are going to bring them. You also will include the new responsibilites that they will be required to take on with the new year. This inclemental climb into extreme ownership allows them to build competance, which leads to confidence. They can cook pancakes and eggs. They can make their bed and save their money. My thought is to stop doing anything my kids can do for themselves and the sooner the better.

My idea was to get them to set the table and the clear the table. I modeled for them how the table should be set and where they could find everything. I made it a task that they do together. I also help as they go so I am not making too many asks but am quietly showing them how easy it is when we work together. Napkins, forks, spoons, and a glasses. At the end of dinner they have to remove everything from the table to the counter and put their plates in the sink (sometimes the dishwasher). Lastly spray and wipe down the table and chairs.

Try this: Pick one task. Sit your kids down and talk about the task and the role they will play in completing the task. Model how it should be done. Try to do it around the same time every day. Remind them but don’t nag them too much if you can stop yourself. Be consistent. You can even do this on vacaction or when you go to grandma’s house. Remember competence leads to confidence that leads to a ton of outcomes we all want for our kids.

The Hard Part: The hard part of this is not doing it yourself regardless of the outcome and celebrating whatever wins emerge. This is called “No Help, Help” because it will lead to help eventually but don’t hold your breath.

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Make This: Dole Whip

With warmer weather on the way Dole whip is something you need to try. This recipe has simple ingredients and a frozen yogurt taste your kids will love. If they don’t love it at least you will.

This is way too many but choose one and see how it goes. The spring and summer are the time to get outside and make a mess. Making a proper mess does require some time and maybe a trip to Michaels/Home Depot. It will be so worth it.

Try this: Start with picking a date on your calendar. I am hoping you got the Big A## calendar we discussed a few weeks back but if not google will do. Pick an adventure you are going to have on that day. You can google it or talk to parents at school or make something up. Make an agenda or write it up on a white board. Kids like to know what to expect.

Example:

9am Load up and head to Gedes Park (insert your park here)

9:15am - 9:45am Nature scavenger hunt followed by Award Ceremony

10:00am - 11:00am Fishing off the dock with worms

11:00am -11:30am Jimmy Johns lunch and sports trivia in the shade

11:30am Head Home

This is a magic trick I am working on the most these days. How not to lose your sh&^T. Maybe your kid called you an idiot or hit their baby sister with a ball or spilled that bottle of syrup all over the counter. So what? My wife always tells me when you have babies it is really not that helpful for you to be a baby too.

I have tried things like saying Hmmm or Wow (mostly to myself) and not to let everything go but to determine when you can bring it back up at a time that everyone can hear and understand why a better choice could be made.

Take a breath. Walk away. Live to fight another day and save the screaming for a true emergency.

Try this: Come up with a sound or a word that serves as a reminder to you to stay calm especially when you don’t want to. Or maybe a safe word with your partner when you need a break because your best self is just not avaiable at the moment. Parenting is like tag team wrestling, you gotta know when to tag out.

This newsletter is not professional in nature but intended to be real things to try. They won’t all work but this is a process and I’d love for you to join me on the way. Thanks for reading and we hope to see you next week.

Send me a note or your best dad joke @ [email protected]